Valentine’s Day Ship of Fools
If you were sailing on a ship named Valentine’s Day your destination would most certainly be Failure Island! The pressure of this greeting card and flower industry holiday is way too much for most mortal men. The holiday is one giant bear trap just waiting to be sprung on some unsuspecting guy who just wants to get through the day and night unharmed. The funny thing is that all my major relationship failures came to an end either on Valentine’s Day or right after. In college I actually got dumped two years in a row on Valentine’s Day by three different girls. The second year I was double dating and got busted on Valentine’s Day. Then there was the big one when my now ex-wife and I had been separated for 2 months and my attorney told me to patch things up or get ready to pay up. So on Valentine’s Day 2000 I made one last attempt to save myself from the pit of poverty by trying to convince my ex that we could work things out. The truth is I started making dinner plans, ordering flowers and looking at expensive diamond earrings but in the end I cancelled everything as I just couldn’t take the pressure.
Then there is the over side of the two headed Valentine’s Day coin. This magical love coin has two sides not heads or tails but men and women. All the single women out there have this great fear of Valentine’s Day as it makes them think, what is wrong with me why I can’t find a man that loves me. On the other side of the coin no single guy ever said that. Men just look at the money and aggravation they are saving by being single. Time Magazine just did a great article on Valentine’s Day http://time.com/3703157/valentines-day-single-is-better/ and according to their research and the National Retail Federation, Americans will spend 19 Billion dollars to celebrate February 14th. That is an average of $142 per person. The point of the article is simple being single on Valentine’s Day is way better than having to go through the phony play acting of proving your love. I have been with my current girl friend now for a long time and we decided many years ago to take a pass on Valentine’s Day. She knows how I feel 365 days a year and given my history with February 14th she felt it was better to just sail on by.
The other problem with the holiday is that if you have been faking your way through your relationship, Valentine’s Day will expose you in a heartbeat [get it heartbeat, love] . No matter what course of action you take your woman will call you out and kick you to the curb faster than Cupid can get off another shot. Like I said it’s a bear trap and you will most likely be road kill on Failure Island. So what’s the answer? Simple you have to catch your prey off guard. You give her or him a little token [something thoughtful] not predictable on the 12th of February followed up by just being nice to each other. Then when the 14th rolls around you have been there and done that and if executed correctly Valentine’s Day is just another day where you wake up and say I love you honey! So get on the “Love Boat” and steer clear of Failure Island and make sure you put your partner first everyday not just February 14th. Good Luck and in the immortal words of Muddy Waters “live the life you love and love the life you live”