Every May 1st Grandma Emery would always say for the world to hear; “hooray hooray for the first of May outdoor screwing begins today” Keep in mind that my Grandmother has been dead for 35 years but to this day every May 1st I think about outdoor screwing beginning today. Not that I am looking for sex outside [I wouldn’t say no to it] but hooray, hooray is something that has always stayed with me for all these years. My Father carried on the tradition after Ruth died and since Dad passed I am running with the May 1st torch now. I know John and Patrick will help keep the family tradition going cuz this family has very few traditions but at least we have the proclamation of outdoor screwing in May.
I am not sure where Ruth came up with the proclamation of sex in the grass under a clear blue sky but in a strange way I am sure glad she did. May has always been my favorite month of the year as it symbolizes rebirth, warm weather, longer days and not having to pay for heat or air conditioning! May is filled with historical events; the British issued the first adhesive postage stamp in 1840, the Empire State Building was dedicated in 1931, Cheerios hits store shelves in 1940. The list of May happenings is long and prestigious but there are some May events that changed the course of my childhood. Two that standout are the introduction of Mr. Potato Head and Mad Magazine both in 1952. Mad Magazine was a critical part of my adolescent experience. My brother and I poured over every issue when it came to the house. Without the month of May my childhood would have been a long boring journey just waiting to be old enough to have sex outside. Fun fact the first time I ever had sex was outside; not sure if it was May but you can surely bet it was not February. The cold even affects extremely horny 16 year old boys.
Without the month of May the world would never have given birth to some very important people such as Florence Nightingale, Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Orson Wells, Sally Ride, Peggy Lee and not to mention Cher, Bob Dylan, Janet Jackson and yours truly Bill Emery. A lot has happened during the month of May in regards to historical events and birthdays, but my thoughts keep coming back to being able to have sex outside. That may be the truest expression of freedom that two people can share, under the stars and the cloak of darkness. I shouldn’t have to say this but with the #MeTo Movement in full force make sure your partner is in complete agreement with you two doing the nasty outside. You don’t want to end up like Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Louie CK, Mat Laure or any of the other idiots ruled by their genitals.
I have indeed saved the most important event in the month of May for last and that is of course Memorial Day. A day to celebrate and honor the men and women of our Armed Services! As Americans we owe so much to the men and women that have fought for our rights and freedoms. Never take for granted your freedoms in this country and when you see a service man and woman make sure you thank them for their service and if you can buy them a drink or a cup of coffee. God Bless America the greatest country in the world! Hooray for our freedoms and the 1st of May…… Happy May and remember to wear a raincoat the weather can change quickly!