In today’s PC world most of us have a health club membership, but did you know there is way more going on at the gym other than working out? My question to you is what do you want out of your membership other than the monthly bill? Find out what you are missing out on by applying my 5 simple steps to finding and joining a gym. Every month when you look at your credit card statement you should automatically calculate the cost of the membership based on the number of times you went to the gym last month. If the number of times is 4 or less than you should be getting a thank you note from the club owner. It should be your goal when you join a gym and I love goals [along with getting healthy] to make sure that you are there at least 3x a week. My 5 step plan will help you feel better about yourself and for the mere price of $0.00 [my grade in high school chemistry] I will sell you my foolproof plan of getting the most out of your gym. As we say in the warehouse business “free-o is for me-o”. My thinking may not always be right or rooted in fact but at least it is free!
Before we get to the good stuff you will need to find a cost friendly affordable club that has enough equipment and facilities to attract like minded people, especially good looking people. Take a tour and pay special attention to the “talent” on the floor and ask plenty of questions about the classes and what PT [personal training] programs that are offered. Ask to speak to a trainer during the tour to get the vibe of the club. No one knows more about the club than a trainer. Now you are ready to use my five reasons to join and go regularly to the gym.
1 Getting in Shape and losing weight [very obvious but I had to list it]. That will require at least 5x a week along with a complete 360 in your diet. Getting in shape and changing your diet is an advanced move and you are not ready for all that yet. Slow down take one step at a time [you paid for these steps so you might as well use them] and naturally work into changing your lifestyle. Getting in shape will come in time; and my plan will teach you that feeling better is not always about getting in shape. Sometimes you have to trick your mind into wanting to make lifestyle changes.
2 Networking. If you are single, newly divorced [or just looking for some attention] and want to meet other people like you, join a gym and get working out. Start with scoping out the hottest girl or guy in the club and then work your way down the club hotty ladder. This will require you working out at various times and days in order to find the right mix of people you are looking for. Take a few classes like spin or body combat to see if that special someone is in one those classes. You know you don’t have a shot at the hottest person in the club but it is good practice to try and everyone will notice you trying. Be Confident not Cocky no one likes the “cocky guy” and always befriend the most unattractive person in the gym, that makes you look like a good person. Also the gym is a good place to meet people that can help you climb the corporate ladder [if your company has a corporate membership] you can suck up or get dirt on your co-workers. Use the same concept as LinkedIn except in person. Remember don’t be too creepy or pushy about it or else you will get kicked out of the club. Be creepy smart [Bill Emery life concept #69], a low key approach will work best here and always make it look and feel like it’s their idea to be with you.
3 Family separation time. The truth is your wife or husband is not going to give you shit about leaving the house to go to the gym. That is known as a “hall pass” they want you to look better and lose 20 pounds [their own selfish wants]. The real bonus of family separation is some alone time and you get to checkout hot girls or guys. Having an active fantasy life at the gym is not cheating; you are still in control of your own thoughts despite what your spouse says. Let’s talk now about all the “damaged” people at the gym. Do you know how many people currently on a treadmill are wishing their lives didn’t suck so much? Answer: 95% of all people on treadmills wish they could just go run screaming from their lives. That is why they are working out on a treadmill as their workout is a metaphor for how fast they want to get away from their lives. I understand that you most likely love your family but being away from their crap is priceless. Before I got divorced being at the gym was sacred time and the only thing that kept me out of jail and my sanity in tacked.
4 Free Stuff. Every club has giveaways or incentives to get you to join. Maybe in the form of a one month free membership, club bucks, a t-shirt or hoody, promotions on personal training, childcare [if you have to bring your kids] or a discount on your buddy’s membership. Always before you sign up for a membership ask the staff what I can get for free. Trust me they want your money and now is the time to ask for the moon. It is just like dating the worst that can happen is that they are going to say is no and again free-o is for me-o.
5 Self-Engorgement – No it is not the result of watching Viagra commercials. As defined in the Bill Emery Life Dictionary: Self-Engorgement is the by-product of exercising to a point of increased blood circulation causing your brain to think that your blood is no longer “a butter” like substance. This is accomplished by combining basic strength training and cardio for at least 45 minutes 4x a week. If you don’t have a workout routine Google “basic strength training” or just watch what other members are doing and you will figure it out. Why pay a trainer [unless they are hot] when some simple stop and stare techniques will get you a productive workout. Again you have to be creepy smart about staring at members. Self-Engorgement is reached when you are working out and you no longer feel like life has past you by and you think you look 10 years younger! I discovered self-engorgement by accident [like most things in my life] in a spin class a couple of years ago. However, that is subject for another message that I will be calling “Spin 2 Win a Diabetics guide to a Cure”
Now when I walk into the club and someone yells “hey dipshit” what are doing today I simply respond by saying circulating my blood and then flip them off. The flipping them off part allows me to continue to establish dominance in the club. My footnoted research for this message was gathered by simply being friendly and creepy smart allowing me to get to know some great people at my gym. So, get into a good fitness based gym and start making your club work for you, no matter how you want to circulate your blood!