Make Your Kids Great Again
This spring I want to start a mentoring / intern program here at H&A. I know a lot of companies that get college kids to work at jobs that don’t pay them a dime and I want in on that racket. The problem is that most college kids are too smart to work in a warehouse with no heat in the winter and no AC in the summer for free. I am shooting for high school kids whose parents would pay me to give their kids a job and get them out of the house for 8 hours a day. It would be a work study day care program for high school kids and I would be teaching them that getting an education is everything and working in a warehouse is hard and is hot and smells really bad. I see it as a win for mom and dad; their kids have a job and a win for me I get my containers unloaded for free!
Today’s parents look at their teenagers and want them to not make the same mistakes that they made at that age. Kids think that mom and dad have gone nose blind and cannot smell the beer and weed on them when they come home and parents don’t know that porn is free! Video games are not homework and socks don’t stick together like that. As parents we need to be one step ahead of our kids and out think the little bastards and for God’s sack stop giving them everything they ask for, they won’t love you any more if they have a new Iphone X. If you have lazy kids and you don’t want them to hate you then the H&A mentoring program is for you. I don’t give a shit if your kid hates me or not all I want is for my containers to get offloaded and orders shipped out on time. I will teach your kid more about life in a month than you have in the last 15 years. When they get home after working at H&A for a day they will love you more than you can imagine and beg you not to go back.
I want to be completely honest the first week can be a difficult transition for most kids. All parents are required to sign the “duck tape waiver”. This waiver allows H&A to restrain if necessary your child by duck taping their little soft hands and feet together along with covering their mouths [The screaming is to loud and gives me a headache]. They are then placed gently in a 110 degree metal container for no more than hour or until I completely break their spirits. Once their spirits are broken they are then ready for manual labor. I want to report that no one has ever had any long lasting injuries from this training method only positive result. The good thing about duck tape is that it doesn’t leave any permanent marks. I tell you this in case you wanted to expand this methodology at home or on younger siblings that are not old enough for the program.
I am proud to say that H&A has a 100% success rate and the best example I could give you would be the breaking down of my nephew Nicolas and my oldest son John. Both of these brats to this day credit H&A with all of their success in life and they are now grown and have big boy jobs and make big boy decisions. My younger son Patrick learned through watching his cousin and brother being thrown I mean placed gently into containers so he wanted no part of that training. Patrick is not as well adjusted as Nick or John and I do worry about his drinking but he should be fine. Full disclosure none of my kids or family members work at H&A now they did their time and got the hell out. For your kids H&A can be the difference between a successful life and or being booked on Dr. Phil, explaining how you sucked as a parent and never played catch with them and forced them to run off of with a homeless guy or some shit like that.
I will give you the Men’s Warehouse Guarantee that your son or daughter will come out of the H&A mentoring program a different person. For any reason if you are not 100% satisfied I will give you a full refund minus the cost of the duck tape and cows blood. Oh did I forget to mention the cow’s blood bath? Don’t worry I cover that in the duck tape waiver. The guarantee stands I will make your little Johnny or Susie into the sons and daughters you would be proud of. No more making excuses to your family for why they sit around all day and smoke weed, drink beer, watch porn and sleep. After completing the H&A program you will have kids you can show off and not want to punch them in the face every time you see their lazy ass. You can also visit us on the web at www.makeyourkidsgreatagain . If you want to make your kid great again message me and we can setup a free consultation. Space is filling up fast so get your application in today, as I can only take so many of these soft and lazy kids. You don’t want to miss your chance to have kids you can be proud of do you?. If the summer program fills up before you get your application in I will be offering an after school fall session as well. Don’t be the parent that your kids blame when they are complaining to their therapist let H&A do that heavy lifting for you. Good luck and remember raising a teenager sucks paying H&A to raise them sucks a whole lot less.
Footnote: This is true fiction no teenager was ever duck taped and thrown in a container or forced to take a cow’s blood bath. This is just my own imagination wishing I could do this. So all you PC asshats relax I would never harm a child. Hey John shut the fuck up no one is ever going to believe you. www.makeyourkidsgreatagain is not my website I made that up too.